As Always.

I feel so uncomfortable in my skin today..
To put it lightly.
I just want to hide.
I want to wear baggy clothes and lay in bed all day and not go anywhere. I don't want to talk to anyone, or breathe. I don't want to be.
I weighed myself last night, and it was bad. *cue breakdown* I don't think I'll be able to post it here on Monday... That's not enough time to get it down.
So as a result of weighing myself because of my anxiety, I had a mini - binge. I know I was doing so well yesterday, but I deserved it.
Food is a punishment to me. Sort of.

So today, despite my plan, I'm not eating anything. I don't deserve it.

I was gone for almost an entire week with my aunt - I didn't want to be home. Now this weekend I'm supposed to get my tattoo, and another friend of mine wants to hang out for Halloween.
I'm nervous for both. I don't think I should be seen by anyone. Not until I'm skinny.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I had a discussion about my ED. He wanted to understand, but I was unsure how to make him understand. Is it even possible to understand?
I know he doesn't think that I have an ED. I mean, look at me. Look at my lifestyle. Do I seem disordered? Do I seem like there's anything wrong?
No. He must think I'm such a liar.
I know that ED's aren't about weight, and that they're mental. But I need to see it before I can believe it.

Remember K? Probably not. But I told her once, right before she stopped being friends with me. Now, I can't even look at her without feeling like I have something to prove - just as I do with my boyfriend.
It's stupid, but it is how it is, I guess. I don't think it will change.
Whatever. I'm done. I don't want to play head games anymore. It's time to slink back into bed and hide from the world.