Today completes day three of my metabolism spike.
How do I feel?
FUCK YES. Starting tomorrow, I am going to start a 4 day fast, minimum. I'm not even going to weigh myself for 4 days just so I can see the difference. Which, believe me. I will.
I need to purify myself again.
In other news, I'm second guessing my relationship again. I haven't taked to him in about a little over a week, and that bothers me. But at the same time, I just don't feel like I can talk to him right now. Between school, myself, my current issues, and just everything right now.
I love him with all of my heart, but I don't want to hold him back and I don't want to be a terrible girlfriend to him. I don't feel like he should have to deal with me right now. I need to get things under control before I try to bring him back into it.
I've binged and purged twice today. I think I'm becoming addicted to it in the way that I'm addicted to laxies, but I also don't think that I will keep up with it. Because I feel better knowing that I had the willpower not to eat in the first place. But at the same time it's nice knowing that I can rid myself of any food I don't want to keep down.
But I won't let myself let it become an everyday thing.
My self harm is off the charts. I can't remember the last time it got this bad. It's getting harder t hide, but I also have just a few more months left before nobody can stop me.
I hate that I have to think that way. But I know that once I'm older and nobody can stop me, things are going to get a whole lot worse.
More extreme.
So... Yeah.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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