I had fasted perfectly today up until dinner. They wouldn't let me not eat, so I ate 1 piece (5 bites) of pizza to appease them.
I tried and tried to purge it. I purged until I saw spots in my vision and felt like I was gonna pass out. I was able to purge maybe 1 bite. I hate pizza.
So I took laxies instead, and I'm going to exercise tonight too. I really hope I see a lower number on the scale in the morning. It's been stuck at the same number for a few days now, and I hate it!
I need to lose weight. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will not eat.
I need to lose as much weight as I can before Thanksgiving. I get panicky just thinking about it, about all the food I'll be expected to eat. I haven't come up with a plan to get out of it yet, but I will. I won't let a stupid holiday affect my success.
I won't be a failure then like I was today.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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