Yesterday (it's now 3am here) I ran into 3 people I've not seen or had anything to do with for a while.
I ran into a girl from colorguard that I once used to be friends with, who was walking next to A. A is the friend I had my Freshman year, who just disappeared.
Then as I was coming home, I ran into O. I don't remember the last time we hung out or actually spoke to each other. She's been with me through hell and back, as I have been for her. O and I had a great friendship at one time, but my ED, her life, and her decisions got in the way and now we barely, if ever, talk.
A few days ago I also ran into C. C is... Complicated. I dated him for a very short time (like a week) my Freshman year of high school and he graduated my Sophomore year. We've both sucked at keeping in touch but we finally met up a few days ago and caught up on the last three years.
Speaking of which, hanging out with him reminded me why I avoid hanging
around in crowds. He
invited a friend of his to hang with up, and it was all fine. But them I got quiet and moved socially to the background. Speaking only when spoken to, kind of thing. It was awkward for me
and both of them. There are very few people I feel comfortable around. Actually, I think there's only 3 - my boyfriend, C, and my aunt. Yay for the socially inept freak.
4 people have passed through my life, all with some type of blocked out emotion attached. Why? What made all 4 happen in such close succession? 3 today, 1 two days ago.
Either way, I've got some emotions to deal with. I don't deal with emotions.
Some were nice to see, others gave me panic when I saw them.
I'm rediculously socially awkward... And it was brought to my attention now because I was around people. Usually I'm on my own, I prefer it that way. Sometimes I can manage talking to one person, but if there is more than 1 person around, I suddenly become the quiet, invisible friend. Haha!
Maybe someday I'll learn to be social, but for now I'm alright on my own.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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