Failure. Complete and utter failure. I am worthless.
Today is beyond saving. There is no hope for today.
So when I get home, I'm popping 12 laxies and letting them do their dirty work. Tomorrow is going to be a liquids only fast, and that will continue for as long as I can keep it going. I will lose this weight. I will beat myself at this game.
I'm going to treat today as if it was a metabolism spike. Simply that before I start a total fast. Friday I have plans to go to the gym with a friend, so I will definitely have to burn as many cals as I can. I am worthless. Disgusting. A failure.
I disappoint everyone.
I'm running out of places to hide, out of lies to tell, out of patience to give.
I'm running out of second chances.
I'm a poison to everyone around me. My boyfriend. My family. My "friends". Everyone, I am tainting by existing. I wish I could just take myself away from everyone, and let them live their lives while I live mine, elsewhere.
I'm tired of myself.
I am me.
I am not perfect.
I try to do the best that I can, set goals that I can reach, and do anything to achieve them.
But I've gotten a little lost along the way, and now here I am, struggling with Anorexia, Depression, and Self Harm.
My blog isn't supposed to be a happy place. Or an advice giving place. It's just a place that I can write out all my thoughts, everything I feel, without being judged!
Maybe you'll find solace in my struggles, someone to understand. Maybe you'll find interest in watching my journey through my life, or maybe you'll even take one look at this, and turn away. Every reaction is a lesson, and I am here to learn.
This blog is access into my most private thoughts.
With that being said, enjoy!
With that being said, enjoy!
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